dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize