wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
