Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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