I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
are you so shy because you have an std?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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