Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize