Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
