You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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