could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
