Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
