I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
