so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
