apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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