why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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