We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
