you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
