i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
