You can't motorboat a personality
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Less talking, more tequila
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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