why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
