hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
