I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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