Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
