sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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