there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
