ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
