FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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