I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
