were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
