I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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