i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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