Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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