If that was your dad, he is hot
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
