i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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