I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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