you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
