i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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