hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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