I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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