I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
