I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
