dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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