did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
