Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
