i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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