just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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