if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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