just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
