Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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