break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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