just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
two words...techno handjob
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
