i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
