i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
