quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize