dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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