I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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