Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
