Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
