we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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