If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
