then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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