he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
