Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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