Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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