yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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