Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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