I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
