A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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