I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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