I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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